I recently sepe…

I recently seperated from my partner after sixteen years, two great kids and if I’m being honest, a hard life that should have been a lot easier. I’ve suffered with depression since the age of about thirteen, been through mental hell and destroyerd what should and could have been a great life, with the best woman any man could wish to know. At the age twenty-five, I met the “The One”, and I thought that all the previous misery in my head was gone for good. I was wrong. It resurfaced, then died away, then came back. Yes I was ill, but the truth is I got stuck in a routine, it felt safer not to fight it, easier to be ill. She really is a amazing person, a great mum, loyal friend, a carer who genuinely cares, and one of those people who doesn’t let life get to her. She stuck by me through the worst of times, because she truly loved me. I repaid her by letting down and betraying her trust. She’s always worked and she works damned hard. I work hard, but for most of the last two years I’ve been unemployed, not for the first time, but this time was just too much for her. I did stupid wreckless things, lost good jobs, made life hard.  I caused her heartache and pain, none of which she deserved, because she deserved much better from me. At the age of forty-one I’m kicking myself for messing up something that many people yearn for.  I had love, loyalty and happiness handed to me on a plate and I threw it away, because I couldn’t believe that I deserved it. I handled it very badly indeed. If i can never regain her love, trust and respect that will be the price I must pay for the wrong I have done. I will make her proud of me, by finding and keeping a job and sorting out my life for good. The anger I feel towards myself, I will aim elsewhere from now on. Straight at this coalition of the corrupt and incompetent, I will use it as a weapon to help bring them down!  I’m not saying they are to blame for my situation, but it’s helpful to have someone to take it out on. Later people, stay safe and be happy.